Allow Me To Clarify

clarify.jpeg

Last night I published a post that got a surprising amount of response. I saw so much outreach and concern from my friends and family. I’m super grateful for that, but I’d also like to clarify what that post was about.

  1. No, I didn’t get fired.
  2. No, I didn’t quit.
  3. No, I don’t think either of those things are happening in the near future.
  4. No, I’m not angry.
  5. No, that post wasn’t taking shots at my boss or my workplace.

I wrote that post because I felt like I faced a really big fear of mine and I came out on top. I’m a person who is terrified of failure and I work really hard to be successful.

The last year or so at my job has been hard on me as I spent my time trying to do all the things that were sure to “make me successful” but didn’t. Because failure is inevitable. Running from it doesn’t actually keep you from failing.

The conversation that took place was essentially two people realizing that failure had happened. We also realized that failure affects both of us really differently. And how we were communicating it was really problematic.

While that conversation definitely could’ve been handled better, my boss is a human and as flawed as the rest of us. And most importantly, my boss isn’t the point – I am.

This conversation was about what I heard and how I felt about that.

I faced a fear. I had this horrible moment in time where I felt like shit and all I wanted was to hide under my covers. (And thanks to the Colbster & some wine, I was able to do that for a couple of hours.) 

But instead of continuing to hide, I faced my feelings about failing. And I realized that “the worst thing my boss could ever say to me” wasn’t really the worst thing. Or maybe I realized that the worst thing wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

And as soon as I accepted that, I was able to shake it off. I am exceptionally proud of me for this.

Thanks so much for all of you and your concern and support. You’re wonderful. I’m so grateful to have a support system that cares enough to check in on me. I appreciate all the calls, texts, Facebook messages, IM’s, etc.

I probably should’ve checked the post a couple more times to make sure it delivered what I was trying to say. This wasn’t meant to be a bitchfest, it wasn’t a rant against my boss or my company.

Writing was therapeutic and helpful in trying to articulate my feelings.

It was the very best possible outcome and I’m so grateful it happened.

Photo credit: Cropped image by Unsplash user Thomas Griesbeck.

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One thought on “Allow Me To Clarify

  1. I’m catching up on posts, and first I must say I admire your honesty, both with yourself and the situation you faced. Most of all, I admire the way you’ve handled this. I have also experienced some tough stuff in the past month or so. Being mindful of how I reacted and how I used the situation as a learning point resulted in a huge, welcome breakthrough that has transformed my work and group and has made all the difference for me in recovering from the blow. I think we get better at this with age and experience. I wanted you to know you’re not alone, and I, like many others who have reached out to you, think you’re pretty fantastic.

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